Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Social Contracts

This is the blog post I eluded to on Friday.
First off, apparently some people took my meaning of "bailed" a bit too loosely. If you were there, you weren't what triggered fact, I owe some of you because magically my six beers and mozzarella salad were completely paid for by the end of the night. Granted it was due to confusion I'm sure, but still, I owe someone some beers.

This post is about social contracts and my expectations so those I interact with socially will understand why I react the way I do.  Frankly, social activities are still hard for me in many ways.  I am still more naturally an introvert but I am improving.  There are certain things that really get under my skin and can thus lead to me dropping people off of my list of people I tend to invite to things because those things get under my skin so much, so here is the breakdown of those things, in ranked order starting with the worst.  Obviously, these aren't hard and fast rules, as I understand emergencies come up.  I am posting this so people can better understand the footing they are on.

Negative Experiences

  • The eternal no-show - Never show up, even when you say you will
  • No-Show/No-Message - You reply yes, don't show up, and don't send word you can't make it.
  • No-show/Message day of - This only applies to events planned way in advance.
  • The "Maybe" no - Hard to prove, but annoying
  • No matter how many times I include you in a social gathering, you don't return the invite - Like I said, I am still naturally introverted, so organizing things is a drain on me.  If all that effort goes one way, I stop putting in the effort
  • Late arrivals with no indication of such - This is a personal pet peeve that has a long history of why it gets under my skin
  • The eternal no - Never reply yes....this is more my fault for not getting the message sooner

Odds are if you are in the no message/indication classes, I will send you a text/call.  I have had people get lost on their way, just lose track of time, or get stuck in traffic where I can occasionally offer alternate routes.


  • No Reply to e-invites - People miss messages
  • Replying no probably about 50% of the time

Positive Experiences

  • Showing up and helping with setup/cleanup
  • Showing up and bringing beer/buying a round
  • Showing up for last minute invites (eg - "Happy hour now" type invites)
  • Showing up
  • Sending me invites to social events

There are some behaviors that I can learn to forgive.  I know of at least eternally late person.  He is also one of my best friends so he gets a pass there.  As I also said, I understand the emergencies come up, but please text/call/email/whatever.  You don't have to give me the reason, just say "something came up."  If you don't serially use that excuse, you get a pass there.


Michael Hatch said...

I am with you there Mike, and I don't think your expectations are unreasonable. I am an extrovert and feel much the same way. One thing I will say, is that some of your perennial no shows may be based on they locations you pick relative to where they live or work and possibly because of others on the invite list.

Unknown said...

I give a LOT more extra leeway if a trip to my house is involved. I live in BFE after all.