Friday, June 22, 2012

Imposter Syndrome

I have a problem. I get good performance ratings at work but I have a hard time accepting them. I feel as though my work isn't that "good" and thus the high ratings mean I have somehow tricked my managers into thinking I am better than I actually am. In school this wasn't really a problem because the grades were defined. You got it right or got it wrong (at least in the subjects I cared most about).  Now, I am getting rated subjectively and having a hard time assigning positive value to what I am doing. 

This becomes a problem on multiple fronts. It makes me less likely to make bold career moves because I feel like people will realize I'm not worthy. It keeps me from effectively writing materials to promote myself and my products.

Today, someone at work pointed me to the wiki page for Imposter Syndrome. It perfectly describes how I feel except if I truly am fooling others about my abilities then I am not dealing with that but instead am actually right. That's the shit that goes on in my head.

So, I need to just try and put all this behind me this weekend and enjoy the concert.

1 comment:

Tad said...

Dude, seriously? If you can't accept that what you are doing has value from your official bosses, then take it from a fellow imposter:

You have made my work substantially easier, faster, and more rewarding. You have provided a concrete service, a reliable response, support in times of need, and (on a slightly less professional but just as crucial level) personal inspiration.

I have observed more than one person wishing there was more than one of you. And I know who I would trade for such a clone... but that strays from the positive impression I'm attempting to create. :)